My Broken Faith

So I guess I had been attending a Celebrate Recovery group at Valley Bible Fellowship basically since I started trying to stay clean. I'd been in and out of the group for over 10 years. When COVID closed all the churches down our Celebrate Recovery group shut down also. I only wanted to attend that celebrate recovery group because it was a Christian based recovery group and whatever they were selling was keeping me clean. During the COVID lockdown I was not attending a Celebrate Recovery group, but it worked out in my favor because I was using the day to make extra money now that the group was closed down. A long time passed without any recovery group attendance essentially because I was waiting for the group to open back up. My mom started to attend a new CR group at a different church that kept gathering together inspite of all the COVID restrictions and eventually giving my mom COVID before I needed to attend to find out if their COVID practices were safe for my mother to keep attending. I ended up becoming a part of the group many members of the Set Free Celebrate Recovery group had also joined this new group and it became my home. We became fond of this new CR group at First Assembly where the leader of the group really became a jealous person and started to influence my mom that I was lazy piece of shit and that she needed to throw me out and progressively got worse. So we had an emergency at our house and my friend Rebekah called the Pastor. The pastor of CR, upset about the hour of the phone call, kicks Rebekah out of the CR program altogether. I've been an active member of church for many years and I was like what is wrong with this guy. So I call him the next morning and he starts telling me that I am a disrespectful person to my mom and begins to try to discipline me. My mom kicks us both out of the house. After 30 days I moved into a hotel because the apartments in the area I live are full and don't accept Uber Eats as a form of income. Rebekah was also kicked out but asked for an extension until we could get an apartment. I lasted 3-4 days alone in the hotel room realizing that I wasn't going to be able to get my own place and lost all hope. I lost my 5 years sobriety. Rebekah came to visit me and I confessed that I messed up and I didn't want to become an addict again. She brought 5 guys with her to the hotel robbed me for the drugs and cheated on me all night with the men she brought to the hotel that day. I left to be homeless in Fresno where I continued my addiction and eventually Overdosed. I was so hurt by my friend I have not been okay. I'm still not really okay emotionally. I feel more betrayed than ever by Christian leaders, the First Assembly church congregation, my best friend in the faith, and my own families response to the situation. I have not really been involved in anything Christian because of how bad everything turned out.